Mr Grumpy....7th March, 2019

I had one of my strange dreams the other night. This is usually when my hotel room is too warm, I’ve eaten rubbish all day, drank too much tea and am in need of a heaving chest instead of a saggy pillow.
Firstly, Godzilla stomped through the car park and specifically targeted my car. He didn’t stomp on it and flatten it like a bag of crisps or even just blast his fire breath to reduce it to molten lava. No, he squatted like a dog over it and (It was, sadly, a very graphically scatalogical dream — Editor). If I’d taken it to Soapy Joe’s for a proper hand job, I’m sure they’d have charged me triple and used so much water, the River Dane would have dried up like the Queen Mother.

This article is available to subscribers only.

Login Subscribe