The musings of . . . A Simple Soul

TARDIS: I never believed in Dr Who’s Tardis — that police box that is much larger inside, than out. I mean, how can you get all that gear into such a small space? Then the other evening Mrs Simple Soul was looking for something in her handbag. She turned it upside down and emptied all the contents on the table. I have never seen so much stuff come out of such a small space — not quite the kitchen sink, but close. Maybe the Tardis isn’t science fiction after all.
STAR TREK: thinking about science fiction, I recently watched a bit of one of the Star Trek movies. This one featured all the main characters, Kirk, Spock, Bones etc, in their younger days. One thing I did find odd was that the Starship Enterprise was much more modern and high tech than the original. How did this come about? Was it cuts to the Star Fleet budget, I wonder, as the characters got older?
NHS: I see that the NHS was recently 70 years old. I’ve just found out it’s been given the best birthday present it could have wished for. Not the many more millions Theresa from number 10 promised, but they finally got rid of that Hunt chap. I bet the whole NHS will have a party. Mind you, other countries will be having a laugh at our choices of foreign secretaries.
EYEBROWS: what’s happened to female eyebrows these days? I know the fairer sex have always “plucked” them, but some I see today look like skid marks (“Scouse Brow” — Fashion Ed). I’m certain one young lady I saw in the supermarket today had cut out a pair from a roll of black insulation tape and glued them in place. The strange thing was she had black insulation tape eyebrows and blonde hair.
TIME SAVING: have you seen the latest idea to help you save time when preparing your meals? Nothing to do with microwaves and stuff like that, this idea comes in a tin — or rather what is not in the tin. To save you seconds when making your sarnie, we now have ready drained tuna. Wow! What will they think of next?
FOOTY: Well “it” didn’t come home after all. Big Nige from down the pub, being our resident armchair expert, gave us a detailed run down of why England failed once again. Resplendent in his XXXL England shirt and on his fifth pint, he reckoned the players weren’t fit enough. A few more armchair experts disagreed with some of his comments regarding players from the Manchester clubs, and several of us were asked to leave. (Well, thrown out, actually.) We did all agree that the Croatian president, a very attractive blonde lady, should have had an award for the best looking leader of any of the countries taking part. I note that at the final presentations, held in pouring rain, that Putin chap didn’t even have the manners to give her his umbrella.
CHIPS: I have mentioned before that when Mrs Simple Soul has a day out and leaves me to prepare my own meals, I do like to have a stock of microwave chips on hand. While getting stocked up the other day I noticed you can now get them straight cut or crinkle cut. I got a few boxes of each but funnily enough they all taste the same, so why the different cuts?
NHS 2: so it seems our new health minister is surprised that the NHS staff feel undervalued and bullied. Where has he been all these years as his chums in Government reduced pay to 1%, in effect giving a pay cut each year? It just shows how out of touch these people are. Did he never speak to that Hunt chappie who oversaw all their misery? I bet he would soon feel undervalued if MPs’ pay was capped at 1% for several years. But there is no chance of that, of course.

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